Cooking in the kitchen

Well it looks like I am now infection free! After another round of antibiotics given to me by the doctor I'm feeling much better. So it looks like I'm back on track to trying to conceive. There are still some worries on my part but I'm going to try and take it all in stride. My mantra is "Everything's going to be okay."

The name of the game for the past couple of days has been baking though. I've been busy trying to use up my pumpkin that I had lying around here. I used most of it to make soup but used the rest to make some yummy pumpkin bread. I also created an apple crisp and used the leftover apples in my bread and some zucchini-cranberry muffins. I've been a baking fiend and its not over yet because I'm going to make some cookies for book club this week. It has been fun to add my own modifications and I love using applesauce instead of butter. I sometimes think that the butter may be better because my oatmeal cookies came out more cake-like than cookie like. At least they are nice and soft! I'll have to make a banana cake at the end of July for our anniversary. I may just reduce the recipe because that would be a lot of cake for the both us to eat and I'm trying to lose more weight. I guess I've substituted baking for eating when I'm stressed. The only bad thing is that Gordon is the only one around who eats my baked goods. Nobody ever seems to want to eat my bread or scones when I bring them to women's fellowship. If my family was here, they would eat it.

I've gotten two sections done on my New Merican cookbook for Christmas. I was looking at Lulu.com to see if it would be good to publish so that it looked like a real book. I may just go with the tried and true method of somewhere like Kinkos just binding it for me to keep down the cost. I still have yet to tackle the baking portion of the book due to the high altitude adjustments that need to be made. I guess there's nothing for it but to try and hope that it comes out all right. I have my high altitude conversion chart so I'll be able to work around that. Most of my recipes come from Kraft.com and Campbells but there are some that I have made from scratch thanks to the Edmonds and Cook Book II cookbooks. I'm not looking to publish it anyways so there won't be any harm as long as I have a disclaimer in the book.

My big announcement from last week was that I was going to come home in October. It looks like that may not be possible now. When I checked the ticket prices they were about $1600 for October and $2200 for December. Gordon and I talked about possibly purchasing the ticket with the credit card and then having time to pay it off and save up for my sister's family trip to come see us in March. I was really excited and told my family over the phone this week. I knew that I shouldn't have done that because I decided to recheck. The prices had gone up all across the board! Now it would cost as much to go out in October as it would if I went in December! What's a girl to do with such a limited budget? It would take us about 5 1/2 months to pay off the credit card again compared to the 4 months with the reduced price. Gordon is away on exercise so we haven't been able to talk about the possibilities. In the back of my mind, I know that these are tests to try my patience and what not but at times I really wish that they would stop testing me and let me be able to go home! The fact is that we do need to save for Ali's trip out here to pay for groceries and the rental of the welfare house and trips to places, gas is expensive! We'll figure something out but for now it looks like I can't go home when I planned. Let's just hope that Air New Zealand does some deal that I can take advantage of and go home this year. Okay, I just checked the Air New Zealand website again and it looks like they reduced the prices. I guess I just have to keep an eye on the website and strike when the iron is hot.

I'm still embroidering some cards and I just received the check for my last batch of cards. Etsy is taking longer to set-up than I hoped for. Windows vista is not my friend when I try to set-up a logo it won't let me put my picture where I want it to go and it won't align with my font that I chose. I long for the Windows XP days when I could set-up and not have to look around for something on the weird drop bars that they have now. Its even hard to find the help function at times. It will get there though and Gordon has offered to help me with making cards so I should start cranking them out so we can have a little cushion for savings and extra expenses.

An opportunity has come along but I'm not sure if I want to take it. I've been wondering about becoming a consultant for either Creative Memories or Mary Kay. I haven't been pushed to do it but I have been thinking about it. I'm not terribly sure about Mary Kay due to their prices. I just ordered a Microdermabrasion set and that's going to set me back for a bit but I need it to clear my face up. Both consultants asked me about it. I think that I would be more inclined to do the Creative Memories workshops and consulting even if it just brought in a couple of dollars a month, it would still be something wouldn't it? The thing is trying to find a space in order to do the workshops and getting customers. There are plenty of elderly ladies around Marton that I think would enjoy putting the pictures into something permanent if they had resources to as well as women my age. Its just something that I've really been thinking about lately.

I'm also looking into volunteer opportunities. I was contacted by the Palmerston North Environmental Community Trust recently. I was reading short bios on the Trustees and they seem extraordinary. I don't know if I could be at their calibre because they all have jobs at universities and such. I guess that I could offer a unique perspective though as well being a recent graduate from uni and trying to put their practices in the home. There are also opportunities to be a volunteer budgeter in Marton and giving my time at an elderly home there as well. Its just picking up the phone that I'm having a hard time with and contacting them. I'm still not very sure about the Environmental Community Trust though. I would like the budgeting and elderly home thing though because they are located close to Bulls.

Gordon and I have started looking into the house market as well. Our limit is $200,000 due to us probably going the "Welcome Home" loan route. I found some things out about the loan that I didn't know before when I was talking to a property broker at an open house. We have to pay for an evaluation of the house for the Welcome Home people to approve our loan and we can only get a loan for the house, nothing extra for renovations or anything. So Gordon and I are working on building a deposit for our loan, even though with the loan there is no need for a deposit. We could also save that money for any extra renovations that we would want to do. More than likely, we would have to look for a house that is in good condition and in our price range. I saw some houses that were extra but apparently we may be able to bring the price down to $200K. They were really nice and I fell in love with them.

I can't get carried away though, this is one time that I have to have a level-head. Gordon wants to wait for a couple of years before we even start the home-buying process, gives us time to save up money and pay off my airline tickets. I almost wonder if we shouldn't devote all the money we were putting into the credit card towards our house loan, at least something like every other month or so. We will need a little extra for Christmas time and groceries. It is good to wait because knowing our luck once we bought a house Gordon would get promoted and then sent to Woodbourne or Whenuapi. I wonder if we just shouldn't wait until Gordon wants to go to Woodbourne because he probably will stay in the Air Force for his career. Its all a bit scary and daunting but we'll see what happens. Gordon should tell me not to look at houses anymore, actually I should keep telling myself that.

The battery on Gordon's computer has totally burned out or something. It won't charge anymore so we may have to look at buying a new battery or something. I'm not sure how good Compaq computers are. I usually stick with Toshiba because they are very good computers and I've never had problems with them. I only had to replace the last one because the screen crystals were broken somehow while the computer was in my backpack. Gordon is going to need his computer when he goes on his Sergeants training course so we are working on getting my Gateway up and running. We haven't plugged it in yet because I'm so terrified have having the circuit short-out again. I have backed-up Gordon's computer onto my external hard drive so we have all the wedding pictures and documents and budget on there so that's good in case anything happens.

The women's fellowship was last week. It didn't interest me very much because it was a woman from a health care organization that specializes in medical alarms. I don't need one of those right now. I did try and pay attention though to listen to the stories about how the medical alarm has helped a lot of elderly people in getting the help they need when they fall or something else happens to them. As I was driving home I was wondering about women's fellowship. I see it as a great thing because it allows me to get out of the house and socialize with members of the congregation. Then I had an idea, well it was more of a brainstorm. Why wasn't there a women's fellowship in the evening for those working women and mothers? I've been thinking about it a lot and think that the church could use something like this to bring in new people. To offer a social aspect to congregation that may appeal to new people. Besides, the church is working on being more welcome to new comers and I think that this would be a way to get to know people in the congregation. I still have to talk to one of the church members about it but I'm working up the courage to. I think this is something that I'm really motivated to do and someone is pushing me to make this idea into reality.

Okay, well I think that about does it for this installment of my blog. Gordon doesn't get home until Friday which is why I actually had time to take care of this. I have been proud of myself though, I must be starting to feel comfortable in my home. I only check the locks and bedroom once at night before I go to bed. I even sleep with all the lights off. I practice deep breathing to calm myself and remind myself that majority of the noises that I hear are due to the fridge. I'm a constant work in progress and I'm still counting down the nights, only three more to go, until Gordon is back with me. Then we can snuggle and drift out to dreamland like we usually do. It can be hard to go to sleep without him now. I'm so used to having his arm under my neck that my pillow and back ache from not having him there for support. Its funny the things we get used to doing with our partners. Everyone have a good week and special good week to my nieces who are spending their birthdays in Disneyland! Aunt Nene loves you and hopes that you get to ride Space and Splash Mountain and the Toy Story Ride lots of times! I wish I was there with you!

A happy blog

Besides my little homesickness episode, it was a pretty good week. Gordon and I did some new things together and saw some new things together. We were able to have some curry and make the most of our time together. We had last Monday off due to the Queen's birthday weekend. We decided to go and take care of some things in town. I had been talking to my neighbor about our phones and she was telling me that her and her husband just use cell phones. I decided to go and see if that was a viable option for Gordon and me. The telecom store was packed and it turns out that I didn't get my questions answered until sometime later in the week. One of the sales reps were taking down our questions and giving us a number to hold onto when a tech rep was available. The wait already was 30-40 minutes and Gordon and I went to go look at some things around the mall. We got back and waited for another 20-30 minutes while being told that we were at the top of the list. Meanwhile, many other people were helped before us and we just decided to go and have some lunch because it was already 1:45! We went back another day and I was able to get my questions answered. Looks like a cell phone is not in my immediate future right now.

I also took some time to plot out my garden for next year. Gordon is going to finish the rest of the side garden but I have some other flowers that need some space so I need more beds. I decided that the best spot would be by our wind-blown tree. That way it looked like it actually belonged there. I was able to make three plots and put bamboo sticks around to mark them out. I'm really excited to try this out and there will be lots of room for my rose bush and alstromeria now. Since the cold snap, most of my flowers have stopped blooming so they are in hibernation mode for the time being. Gordon has been preparing the garden for winter. I convinced him to lay down a layer of newspaper and put grass clippings on top of that in order to help stop the weeds from popping up. His tomatoes plants are finished as well, we have to plant those quicker in the summer. I also know that we will cut back on our number of beans and rotate the planting of our veggies this year. The broccoli and cauliflower will definitely be at the end of summer this time as well as the squash I think.

Our money has been transferred to the account and we just payed off the credit card! Next payment, that dreaded GE bill, specifically the deferred payment from Harvey Norman because we are going to keep our contract with Big Save and have it paid off by next year so we aren't charged extra for paying it off early. I have just set Mojo up for his operation that takes away his "mojo" thanks to the deposit and our next paycheck. We are going to use some of the money to set-up a savings account and put in at least 100 each month to add to it. I'm increasing my food budget by $50 and setting aside $100 each month for date night, I doubt we would use a $100 each month for our dates though.

We got to see the newly refurbished Plaza in Palmerston North. It reminds me of a mall in America. Except the food here is way better with their curry, Chinese and Turkish selection. Gordon was able to get his beloved butter chicken and I had my usual chicken korma. I was almost tempted to ask for a Starbucks but thought better of it. I must resist the caffeine temptation. The parking structure was a bit of a hassle. I haven't noticed it until recently but it always seems there's a car that is constantly trolling for a space close to the entrance. Gordon and I sucked it up and just went to the next level where there were plenty of spaces. Besides, a little bit of walking never hurt me or him. I saw that they had designated spots up front for stroller parking, I've heard of mommy-to-be parking but not that. It was nice to be out and about though for a little while to take my mind off of things.

I've also been working on some card sets to post on Etsy to see if they sell or not. I just finished a group of wedding rings and some "21" cards for my mother-in-law too. Since I haven't been feeling well I've also been doing some more embroidery, that always makes me feel better. The work and sewing help wind me down and I'm proud of what I've created afterwards. I was thinking that it is always so hard to find good stickers to put in the middle of some of the embroidered cards. Then I had a flash of inspiration! Why not put my own pictures in the center or try to make the cards so that people could put a picture in the middle if they wanted to? I have some great shots of New Zealand that would look great in the middle of them. Also, people would be able to have something lasting for their precious photos. Its in the early stages but I'll let you know how I get on.

The most exciting thing that we did this week was go on a drive to the wind farm lookout. You can always see the turbines going on the mountains surrounding Palmerston North. Gordon decided to take me to see them, probably as a pick me up. It was a great sunny day for it. I had seen wind turbines before when driving to Stanford to pick Ali up from college or going to visit her when she had the twins. I've posted them on myspace and facebook so everyone can see them who are on those applications, there are some in this blog for blogger.com as well. It was very windy up there when we stopped at the lookout and they had a turbine right in the middle that people could take pictures of. I got some great perspective shots and some pretty good ones with the sun shining through the clouds. It was a bit cold up there but we survived. I think what I enjoyed most was the drive though. Feeling the sunshine in the car, driving through little towns that I had only seen in the Property press and never visited before. It was what I needed to remind me that my life was good. We also drove through the Manawatu gorge on the way back.

I also got some prospective dates for my sister coming out to New Zealand. They are going to come out in March and I'm making so many notes of places that they can go to. Ali gave me some places that she would like to visit so hopefully Kylie can get me some good deals on Waitomo. We are probably going to take them out for a day or so to Glenn's family farm and they'll get to see Napier too! I can't wait to see them again and I was able to talk to the girls about all the playgrounds I'm going to take them too, especially the park with the train! So, besides my meltdown at the end of the week the rest of the days have been pretty good. I'm feeling lots better and the antibiotics for my infection should help a lot. I'm still praying and hoping that I won't need a more aggressive treatment. I've been drinking my cranberry juice, taking panadol for the pain and drinking more water. Now that I know what is wrong with me, I can work on getting better. It helps that I have such a nice partner too!

Trails of homesickness

It has been one of those weeks where some little thing had the potential to put me into a bout of homesickness. It definitely succeeded for a couple of days there. I swear I was practically unresponsive one night and it really scared Gordon. I have to go back to the beginning though and that was all due to one little test, a pregnancy test.

I had been feeling nauseous, dizzy and tired a lot lately. Somewhere in my brain, I felt like I had finally done it, I had gotten pregnant. What else could explain those slight pains in my lower pelvic region, what else could explain my sudden weight gain? I decided to try my luck and take a test. Then I saw that ugly line, the negative instead of the positive sign I had been looking for. Of course I was a bit disappointed that I wasn't pregnant like I thought I was but something else upset me more. If I wasn't pregnant, then what the heck was wrong with me? Why was I feeling so terrible? That set me off into a wave of tears and a bout of self-pity that I would rather forget. Thoughts of failure started to plague my mind and that dreaded word, "infertile", started to flash in my head constantly. I shook it off though and I was fine for the rest of the day. I made some cards, did some knitting, tried to be as productive as I could be...then Gordon got home.

I felt like somehow I had let him down, that I was not good enough to be his wife. Something that started out so trivial spiraled into thoughts and feelings that I didn't want to have. My self-worth started to plummet and I didn't want to stop it. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I wanted to wallow in it and I didn't want to get out just yet. Gordon told me he was disappointed too but that we would keep trying and eventually we will have baby. He went to go take a shower and I went to go make some instant Kool-Aid. Kool-Aid reminded me of home and I wanted to feel just a little bit of home, of my mother, that's when I finally broke down. Gordon is a wonderful husband but sometimes a girl just wants her Mom to hug her, to tell her that everything is going to be fine and not to worry. Gordon could hear me crying all the way in the shower and was a bit worried so he came out and just held me while I told him that I wanted my mom, I needed her. It was a very trying Thursday for both of us. Gordon took a personal day on Friday to stay home with me, to make sure that I was going to be fine. I told him my fears that sprouted from that negative test. My fear that when people say I will make a great mom that it made me think that I wasn't going to have any children. My fear that he should have married someone other than me. My fear that everything I did I was always a failure at. I was also able to call my mom and talk to her to feel a bit better.

After having my good cry and my self-pity party, I decided that I really should try and get out of the house. Staying there was only going to make me more sad and I needed to be active. I asked Gordon to take me to Telecom so I could ask them some questions about our current service. It felt good to be out and about with Gordon and I was making a slow recovery to my normal self. I had a bit of an episode at Church but I made it through the service. I knew that I wasn't going to feel instantly better that it was going to take time to be Nedra again. The sunshine during the week really helped a lot and made me feel good when it shined in through the windows and the car.

I got a call from one of our church friends, Kay Brown, on Monday. She could tell that I wasn't my usual self as well. I ended-up going over to her house and talking to her for quite a bit. She said she understood how it could be upsetting to get a negative on the test. She also listed the things that showed I wasn't a failure like I thought I was. I had created a budget for Gordon and me to live on that we were sticking too, I had moved all the way out to New Zealand, I graduated from college, I had married a great man. Kay is a very good friend and she told me that I should face my fears rather than shy away from them. If I wasn't feeling well then I should go to the doctors and face my fear that something might be terribly wrong with me. My faith has helped me through this as well. With friends like Kay being put in my path, the support and love I receive from my husband and my mom. Praying nightly to receive guidance and grace. Its all helped me through these trying couple of days and my homesickness.

I went to the doctor yesterday and Gordon came with me to give me support. It turns out that I had a urinary tract infection. The doctor has given me some antibiotics to take for the next three days. I really hope that it does the trick and that the infection goes away. I was reading that if it is left untreated for too long that it can damage the kidneys. So, like I said, I hope that the antibiotics take care of it. If it has affected my kidneys then I may need stronger antibiotics to help them out and get them better. I don't know how long I've had this infection for, it may have just started last week or developed over the past month. I didn't have one of the telltale signs so I didn't know that I had it until I went to the doctor. It was a good thing that I decided to go to the doctors yesterday.

I'll write more about the rest of my week but I just wanted to explain to everyone why my post has been so delayed. Right now I'm a bit tired and just want to rest.