Road of Faith

I've been going to a study group on Thursdays and we are in charge of a service because the minister is taking 6 weeks off to build or finish is house. Our section is about turning points, mainly what made us turn to Christianity. Laura and I will be doing the speaking part, Judith has been helping with music, Joy is doing the children's talk and Kay is holding communion. I'm really excited to give my story. Hear is what I'll be talking about in front of the congregation. I like giving little view point speeches because it gives me a goal that I need to reach during the week. Anyways, here it goes:

How did you become a Christian? Was it brought on by some life-altering event? Did it happen in a dream or a vision with blinding light and a deep, booming voice? Or maybe it just happened instantly, one day, out of the blue when you went to a service? For most, like me, it is a long, winding road that can take years to travel. In all of these circumstances though there is one constant, the people are changed and their way of thinking is somehow altered. My road to being a Christian was full of twists, turns, potholes and speedbumps. I thought that I would never get to where I was going. My biggest challenge was that I had to realize that the perception of myself had to change in order to get where I was hoping to go. That who I was, what I was, where I was from never diminishes God’s love for me. I had to learn to fit into my own skin and gradually love myself in order for God to fit into my life. In turn, my faith bloomed.

I remember that every year in primary school we would do a collage that was full of magazine clippings using words and images to describe ourselves. You never put the bad stuff just the good things but inside I was full of bad, negative words that I had heard of myself growing up. Things like fat, ugly, hairy, hot-tempered, lazy swirled in my head constantly and ran to the forefront in my mind. I heard kind words from friends and family as well, pretty, kind, quiet, nice, funny, happy but the negative seemed to drown them out. Becoming a teenager and an adult is enough of a struggle already but the negative became so magnified that most days I would look in the mirror and see no one of value just another person taking up space. There were good days as well when the person looking back at me was who I truly wanted to be. Pretty soon all that was left was a scared, frightened, insecure, unhappy teenager who became a woman that saw mostly her faults and hardly any of her strengths. I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin which led to my second obstacle. How God must have wept for me being so foolish.

When I graduated from high school, I had gained some of my confidence back. My dream at the time was to become a pharmacist. How quickly things change when you go to university. Suddenly I was faced with new choices and new decisions to make and pharmacy fell by the wayside while I endeavoured to figure out what I wanted to be. I always seemed to take a longer time than most people around me to get where I was going. My sister had taken just five years at Stanford University to get her bachelor’s and master’s in Earth Systems. It took me seven years, and constant teasing by family, to finally end up with a bachelor’s degree in biology. I was proud of myself for finishing what I had started but I was ashamed that I had taken so long. I felt like I was a drain on my parents. I always felt like the black sheep of the family because it took me longer to get it right. When Gordon proposed and we decided to get married, my fear of not fitting in came back in my mind. I was going to move to a new country where there were different customs, different sayings and things were just done differently. I felt that I had to assimilate into Kiwi culture and I had none of the skills to do it. I didn’t want to stick out like a sore thumb. God worked to change my thinking through two people, my sister and my husband.

I remember going to church as a small child but for some reason, we stopped going. The base of my faith had been layed down but it was abandoned to the elements of life. My sister is the one who started working on my foundations again. She had gotten married to a nice man, they had children and they decided to move back to New Mexico. She encouraged me to come with them to church services. Often times I would start going to churches but I never felt connected enough to keep it up. I became a fair-weather Christian, only going when life was good and never going when times were tough. My sister provided that connection for me to start going to church regularly. I had someone to discuss my opinions with, someone to feel connected to when I went to church. It was like I was learning to ride a bike and my sister was there to help me if I fell. Pretty soon I was able to “ride” on my own and Ali was just walking beside me. Finally, my sister encouraged me to sign-up for study groups that the church was hosting. These groups helped me to build on my foundation, to get the frame up if you will. I changed, I started to feel better about myself and I learned that when I include God in my everyday life it makes it so much better.

Marriage is such a huge step; it becomes even more complicated when the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with lives in a different country away from all that you know. However, through Gordon I found my true faith, I became a true follower. The foundation and the frame were already there and Gordon strengthened my faith. When Gordon looked at me he didn’t see what I felt, he saw me. I often tell friends that Gordon is my example of God’s love for me because he gives his love freely and without conditions. Gordon sees someone of value not a insecure woman who feels like she can’t get it right which is the way we like to think God sees us isn’t it? I’m not saying that my husband is a saint but he is perfect for me. My heart was complete when Gordon decided that he wanted to spend his life with me. Gordon loves me just the way I am and I know that God loves me just the way I am too as proof in Isaiah 43:1,4,” I have called you by name; you are Mine! Since you are precious in my sight.” I can’t tell you how uplifting that makes me feel, how it makes me feel comfortable about who I am. I am precious in His sight!

I found that I wanted to have not only a strong marriage but a marriage that included God. I had seen what a faithless marriage can do to couples and I wanted to start mine on a good foundation. Gordon choosing to love me and make me his wife brought me to where I am today but he also brought me closer to God than I have ever been. It was hard to say goodbye to family and friends that I had all my life but God had a different plan for me. I believe that he took me away from my old life to start my new life with Him and my husband. I remember something from my moving study group, it was that the first thing you should do when moving somewhere is to find a new church to go to services to. It’s hard to explain but when I went looking for God I found comfort from the pain and loneliness of being in a strange place with no friends and nothing to do but sit at home. I believe it was because my heart was complete now, Gordon had made it that way and I look at Jeremiah 29:11-12 to explain it. There are tough days when I wish that my mother and sister were just a car ride or phone call away but I’m also stronger in my faith foundation. Through marriage and moving I’ve learned to fit into myself and in the process found what I was looking for all along to be loved and accepted.

I don’t want you to think that my life is perfect because it’s not. I have daily, weekly, and monthly struggles with the perception of myself still at times and there are times when feeling like not fitting in is at the forefront of my mind. However with Gordon and God’s help I’m learning to value myself. That I can take as much time as I need to get it right, that it doesn’t matter that I take a little longer than most people. I am enough for my husband and I am enough for God and that is all I need to know. It would be nice to have a job, a family, a comfortable cushion of money but I think that I have all I need because “I am precious in His sight.”

Husband back home and sunshine days are here!

Well, I received a pleasant surprise last Monday night. My husband came home a day early! Turns out that a tanker had stranded itself on the reef in Samoa and they told the Navy boat and the RNZAF that they had to leave right away from the dock, that's the short story of it. So they called the plane got it there and everyone boarded and came home. Unfortunately, I was at a church concert so I wasn't at home when Gordon called. He found a ride home so that was nice when I drove up and saw him standing at the gate. We were able to spend the rest of the week together having fun and just enjoying being together again.

Gordon had to leave again on Friday to go and get the helicopters assembled from the navy boat when it docked. He didn't get back home until Monday. I had to keep telling everyone at church that he did come home but he had to leave again to reassemble the helicopters since he was on the last rotation. I didn't mind it at all because I got to spend four days with him until he had to go away again. We did some laundry and cleaning up and also went to go check out the new section of the plaza that opened last Thursday. It was a nice day out.

The weather has been cooperating really well. We're expecting a front to come in on Friday with rain and crap but these last two weeks have been heaven with the sun shining and the temperatures comfortable. We've had some great days with no cloud at all, just beautiful blue sky. Due to the good weather I've been able to get out into side garden and free my poppies and gladiolas from weeds. Now its Gordon's turn to do the other section of the side garden. It is apparent that we are definitely going to need to get more soil to replenish the levels they used to be for the side garden and definitely our veggie garden. Looks like the compost and grass we put in have started to decompose and lower the soil level. We may be able to do that in November or December. It just means that our soil is becoming rich with nutrients so that makes me happy.

The big thing happening this Monday is Gordon's birthday. Mr. Schofield will be turning 29 this year. Oh my gosh, that means I'm going to be 28! It was also Father's day last Sunday and I sent a card to Gordon's dad from the both of us. Our gift is our trip to Tirau next weekend to spend some time with them. For Gordon's birthday we are going to have curry. We were going to have pizza but then I told him I was surprised he didn't want curry for his birthday, silly me. We may go and see a movie as well or we could just go and have some gelato for his birthday instead. Gordon isn't too concerned about gifts.

Speaking of gifts, I've been working on figuring out what to do for gifts for the Schofield family at Christmas. I know it may seem early but its better to get it out of the way right now then wait until the prices go up during the Christmas season. I was thinking board games for each couple, that would only mean buying two board games! The rest of the family is going to receive either a family tree bag or a potted flower can that we'll make ourselves. Any suggestions? Mom already has Gordon's presents figured out but I'm still at a loss of what to get for me. Honestly, I'm just happy with some nice jeans or something for the house. I've started to think about what the house needs rather than what I want. I don't think there is much I want anymore, besides maybe an ipod and a food processor, because I've learned to deal with what I have on such a small budget. The days of frivolous spending are over for me, I have to think of the future now. I must admit that it is hard to do at times though. I wish that we could get nice stuff for our house and not worry about the cost but I think I'm learning to appreciate what I do have for our house. I've also learned that DIY is the way to go when wanting to save on money as well. Besides, in a years time we'll have an extra 144 dollars a month when our GE bill is all paid off so that's something to look forward to. It seems so faraway at times though.

What's not faraway is my trip home! I'm so happy that I'm allowed back into the country with my work visa. I'm not sure if I need to apply for another work permit or not but we'll see when I get back. It can be so confusing on whether you need a visa and/or permit. A permit is for if you live in New Zealand and a visa is if you are out of the country and applying. Still very confusing, I'll just be happy when I get my residency permit. The twins are excited to have their Aunt Nene come and visit them and I can't wait to meet little Ewan for the first time! I'm also going to help Ali make a Halloween costume for Dax. The balloon fiesta will be going and I can go and see that and enjoy it. Its only about three weeks away now. The time will come faster than I realize and then I will be back in NM and enjoying everything that I've missed for a whole year like Anthropolgie, Williams and Sonoma, Lane Bryant, Cracker Barrel, Pei Wei, Red Robin and New Mexican food! I'll also be able to share with my family some of the stuff we eat here in little ol' NZ. I should take them a little thing of Nutella or something. The girls loved the chocolate biscuits that I sent them for their birthday. I should get the rest of my cookbook written and put onto my drive stick so I can assemble that when I get home and leave as Christmas presents.

I'm only bringing one suitcase because Mom wants to get Gordon a new suitcase. I just need to make sure that when I come back my suitcases meet the weight limits. It shouldn't be a problem because I'll try to pack light, yeah right. We'll see how it works out. Gordon was telling me that I may be able to check my baggage all the way to LAX which will take the hassle out of the int'l terminal in Auckland because it gets so busy and I only have an hour and a half layover there. We'll see how it works out. I'll have to pack some new and old books to read for my delays at the airports. It will be hard without Gordon there to experience everything that I'm doing but we'll survive somehow. Next trip we are definitely going together, so we'll be together at my best friend's wedding and hopefully we'll have a little one with us as well.

I've started knitting a new baby blanket. Its a sea green color and I'm coming along very well with it. I think I may be ready to start on a bigger baby blanket project. It may take me longer but we'll see how it goes. I know Ali likes the blue blanket that I gave to her. I'm hoping that knitting the blanket brings me luck in Gordon and me getting pregnant. I find myself wondering at times if I will every get pregnant but we still have five more months to keep trying until we have to go for testing to see if there is anything wrong with us. I've adopted a positive attitude lately that it will happen, I just have to be patient. Still, you find yourself going to a dark place every now and again. I was telling my sister the other day that they make it seem if you don't follow stringent guidelines when trying to conceive that your baby will come out deformed or something. No wonder I worry about healthy babies so much because they can make the issue of conception and having healthy babies so scary at times! I'm still working on my weight issue and eating healthy. I saw a show last night that said to get natural folic acid to try and eat citrus fruits and leafy greens, I can't eat fish because it makes me gag. But I've been eating lots of oranges lately so that has to be good for me as well as broccoli and brussel sprouts.

Gordon and I had a great day on his leave day Tuesday, due to him being in Auckland for the weekend, by spending time outside. We had a great time weeding, planting and composting. I found that the Christmas lily bulb I bought was sprouting in its package! So I promptly had to plant it into a tub that was devoid of flowers. I also planted a dahlia tuber as well so we'll see how it goes. If the weather is nice on Sunday I anticipate doing some more planting with the help of Gordon. Also I had bought some freesias and ranunculus, do any gardeners have any handy tips on tricking them into sprouting for me even though its not fall? The start of spring is definitely here because there are tons of daffodils blooming. Its amazing to drive on the road and see on the side of the road a whole bunch of daffodils just sprouting out from the garden. Gordon and I also made a picnic and took it to the Mt. Lees reserve which is near Bulls and Sanson. It had a nice bushwalk to take and it said in the paper that now was the perfect time to go and see the daffodils in bloom. The daffodils definitely did not let us down! As you can see from these pictures we had a good time. I wasn't very happy about how I looked but true to form Gordon said he thinks I'm beautiful. Its nice to have a husband who thinks you're pretty even when you feel like you aren't at times. I think we may go back to the gardens we went to for my birthday soon if the weather is still good one of these weekends. I like when it gets warm because it means Gordon and I get to go places and parks.

Oh my, what a lengthy blog. I hope you enjoyed reading. I'm not sure if I'll update my blog while back in NM but it is definitely a possibility. Oh congratulations to my cousin Candice and her husband Nick on the birth of their son, Blake!

One week, two week, three week, home

I have survived Gordon's absence with flying colors. The first week was easy to get through, it looks like the second one might be a bit tougher but its already Wednesday here so that's half of the week gone already. The weather has taken a windy turn for the worse so it looks like I may have to wait for any excursions next week. It looks like we may have a surplus of money as well so I won't feel so bad about traveling someplace new. Things are starting to look up financially. The absence hasn't been so bad either because Gordon has been able to call me practically everyday so I know what he's up to and he knows what I've done for the day. The nights can be the roughest which is evident because I got a spook this morning and have been awake ever since. Hopefully writing this blog will make me sleepy.

I've had just enough to do each day to take my mind off of Gordon. Its remarkable how clean your house can get when your husband is away! I've been trying to organize and get together and put away so many things. I've organized my sheets into pairs tied with yarn so they don't get separated, I don't have any long ribbon. I've volunteered at the Edale Rest Home, playing dominoes with the ladies. Catching up on programs that need to be deleted from the recorder. I also helped Edale again on Tuesday with their quilting project. I outlined designs on the paper and then it was ironed on the fabric, cut, peeled and placed on the quilt board. Apparently it really helped to have an extra set of hands doing the tracing. I told them that I didn't mind that I like doing the outlines for the flowers and what not. It makes me wish that I could make a pretty quilt. I may try a small baby one someday because I have tons of material to work with. Oh, a pretty little quilt piece with beautiful flowers, my imagination does run away with me.

Women's fellowship was last Thursday and I took notes because the lady who is usually in charge of it was absent. I think I wrote an informative essay on the subject but there was just so much good information. Its been awhile since I wrote any kind of report so it was good practice for me. The organization that spoke was called Loved 4Life. Its aim is to reach out to new or families that have just had a baby to show that they are not alone in the parenting game. The baby gets a "Loved" quilt, the family gets a meal and their are workshops to help develop their parenting skills. It really looks like an awesome organization and I'm tempted to see if we can set-up a chapter in Marton. I'm not a parent yet though so I don't know how well that would go down. I'm mostly a behind the scenes gal but I can be coaxed out of my shell. One of the other ladies was very interested because she's in a knitting group that knits baby clothes and they are handed out to families with babies that want the gift.

The weather has been so nice these past couple of days that I was able to stacks of laundry without the use of the dryer too much. It looks like Spring has come a bit early to this area. I'm not complaining though if it means I don't have huddle under the covers during the night. Still a bit nippy so I'm using my heat pump since Gordon is away. I've pruned my alstromeria bush and am looking forward to the coming spring. It would be great if I could have more flowers this year. My carnations seem to be alive still as do my poppies. The side bed needs a good weeding so I think that I'll leave that for Gordon, hehe. I'm almost tempted to go and throw herbicide on that side garden and start all over again with fresh soil. It may just pay to weed, lay newspaper and a new layers of soil or bark along the side garden to get the weeds under control. That's what happens when you reuse the soil that you dug-up originally. I'm being optimistic though and on a good day Gordon will have to give the yard a good cut. I think that I'm going to stick to potted plants this year. I'll make a little potted oasis. I just have to have Gordon get me a palette so I can put them on there to water and not worry about drainage. I could always break down and just buy some more saucers too. I would still need the palette to put all the pots on though. Being in the middle of the walkway to the laundry line just isn't cutting it. I would love to have a sea of cosmos or something in the side garden, wouldn't that be lovely? There are little daffodils every poking their heads out and blooming in gardens all around town. Even the cherry blossom trees have bloomed! I love cherry blossom trees, I want one in my backyard of my first home.

The house search is still ongoing. All we can really do right now is look at the houses because we aren't going to start making any concrete decisions until after I return. We've been constantly weighing the benefits and cons of Marton and Bulls. It looks like Bulls is winning right now but the battle isn't over. We found a cute, character home that is located right along the main road. You wouldn't know it was on the main road when you close the door of the house because you can't hear anything from outside. It must have really good insulation. There are some that we really like but we are going to keep saving until we can afford the one-time costs. That or until a baby comes along. Sometimes it feels like we can either have one or the other. Maybe if I get a job then it won't feel that way so much anymore.

I've just learned that my 2-year work permit and multiple entry visa has been approved. I am so happy and ecstatic that everything went so well! Now, Gordon and I don't have to shell out extra cash in order to get me back into the country and I can visit home without any worries. Its so strange all the hoops that you have to jump through in order to be with the person you love. I keep joking that once I got my work permits I had no choice but to stay with Gordon and live in New Zealand since we used all that money for my paperwork. Its just a joke though because I would follow Gordon to the ends of the Earth if I had to. At least one part of my paperwork is over and done with. I'm not going to worry about residency because they've told me it can take up to a year to grant and I've got a 2-year work permit.

It looks like Roger and Christine will have a new son-in-law. Glen proposed to Kylie this weekend so it looks like wedding plans will start to be made. I'm very happy for them and so glad that Kylie has found someone to spend her life with. I was worried about her for awhile but it looks like she's gotten exactly what she wanted. Hmm...I wonder if I got exactly what I wanted? Well Gordon is a nice guy and cares about me very much so I guess I did! Glen and Kylie should be very happy together and I can't wait to see what the future holds in store for them. Now all I have to do is get pregnant! No luck on that front yet but we're still working on it. When a year comes and we haven't conceived, then I'll start to get worried.

Speaking of babies, my cousin Michele had hers on Thursday. Most of you already know this since mostly my family reads this blog. Anyways, congratulations on being inducted into motherhood and fatherhood Michele and Nate. Baby Erik looks cute and sweet. I wish I could come and see you and the baby.

I've gotten some exercise DVDs so I can work in the comfort of my home. I just tried one yesterday. I was a jumble of arms when it came to some of the dance moves. I was great at the plies though thanks to my college ballet class. This one was a type of pilates workout so I feel a bit sore but its a good sore. I'm going to start slow, about every 2 or every other day. It really depends on time constraints. I've also noticed that when Gordon is gone I don't as eat much. I have to teach myself that just because he eats a lot doesn't mean that I have to as well. It also helps that I've been eating panini sandwiches while really feel me up during lunch. When I cook I portion the meals into containers for later servings. It looks like I have a full menu this week and next week I start my subway portion of meals. I figured that going to Subway each day for evening meals would only cost me $28 and then I usually only spend about $30 on vegetables, due to high prices, which means the only things that I would have to get at the supermarket were lunch items which should only total about $45 hopefully. I've been eating lots of fruits and veggies too so that leaves me feeling happy and full. I've also gotten cheeses that are lower in fat content then cheddar. I'm working on cutting the dairy and have started buying skim milk so it looks like I'm on the right track. Still its important for me to have my calcium and the only way I get it is through milk and yogurt.

Okay, well it looks like that will do it for this week. See having a husband gone is beneficial to me because I'm able to update the blog sooner than expected! Insomnia definitely can have its advantages when updating my blog as well. I'm still counting down the days, his return date isn't very definite, until he comes home. Next week he'll be on a boat so communication will be non-existent for a couple of days. Depends on how fast they get from the island to New Zealand, I hope its fast! I also hope that they push back his exercise so he can take me to the airport when I leave in October. Everyone have a great week and enjoy that summer heat while you can for those Northern hemisphere dwellers. I'll be here rearranging the house, making cards and whatever else I can do to occupy the time.

Gilmore Girls

One of the great things about some NZ channels is that I can watch re-runs of shows that I used to watch in America. Lately, one of the stations has been showing "Gilmore Girls" in the evenings on the weekdays. I usually substitute it for the news because lets face it the world can be a bit depressing. I never was a religious watcher of the show but it is fun to see all the episodes that I've missed right up until the end. This show was approved by Focus on Families which at the end of the series seems kind of odd. As the series has progressed I find that it follows the formula that all great shows follow nearing the end of its run, its gets tedious, predictable and down-right frustrating to watch. Still I have had some good and bad things that I've learned from Loralie and Rory and the rest of the characters.

1) Even if you have parents that don't understand you, you should always have them involved in their grandchildren's lives.
2) If you treat your parents with respect then your children will treat you and them with respect.
3) Even if we don't agree, I still love you.
4) Never, ever, ever keep secrets from your significant other because it always comes out
5) Always communicate, don't sit there and brood and suddenly explode like a volcano while the other person doesn't have a clue what brought this on.
6) We all make mistakes and should be forgiven.
7) Enjoy life!
8) You shouldn't flirt with ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends because its just bad.
9) Living in a small town can be fun.
10) Marriage takes effort but loving them is easy.
11) Don't look down on people, just because they don't do it your way doesn't mean they're stupid.
12) Don't be impulsive when it comes to big decisions, like marriage and children.
13) When you over-analyze, you just make a mess of things.
14) Always listen to good music.
15) Make sure you have a good outfit on.

I hope you enjoyed my light-hearted post!

Gone away from me

The paperwork is in, immigration is processing my applications as I write this blog. I have to admit that I was really nervous that I may have left something out. Turns out that something was missing but it wasn't due to me, I had to have a print-out of all my lab tests for my medical exam and it wasn't included. I just have to mail that out today and I could be getting my passport back in a weeks time. All my documentation for our validity as a couple was about a 1/2 inch thick. I wanted to be thorough so there was no doubt in their minds about our genuine relationship. The man that we dealt with at immigration was easy to talk with, concise and to-the-point. I didn't get any run-around or surprise charges. It does feel good to have all the paperwork in now but I think I may still worry a little until I am granted a residence permit. The good news is that when I get my partner-sponsored work permit I will be allowed to live in New Zealand for another two years as well as go back and forth to America.

I have a friend in Bulls now. One of the book club girls has moved to house in Bulls and I'm having coffee with her today. She's a very active girl and the house that she has moved into is just spectacular. She definitely got a great house and she told me that Gordon and I have to come over for dinner one of these times. I never feel at ease inviting people into my home because it is so small and cramped but I'm working on getting better at it. I just need to devise cheap storage solutions. Invest in some clear boxes that I can sneak under the bed, ooh that would be great for storing our sheet sets and clearing space in the cupboard in the spare bedroom. That or some kind of cheap, wooden chest that I can construct with a lid so nasty little insects can't get into it.

I do have a bit of bad news, Gordon is leaving me for three weeks to go on exercise. Its part of the job, I get it, and I'm lucky than most girls to have a husband who is in the RNZAF rather than the USAF. Still, when you're at home all day you look forward to that bit of human contact at the end of the day. I have some activities planned for the weeks while he is gone but nothing jam-packed. For some reason, its a bit tough this time around, maybe because of how long he will be away. Its practically a whole month! It also looks like I may have to find a ride to the airport for my trip back home because he may have to be away on exercise during that time as well. For some reason it peeves me off that he always gets to leave me and I was looking forward to me leaving him for once. Maybe so he would understand what its like to come home to a house that only has a cat to keep him company or sleep in a bed that is big and empty.

I am looking forward to America every week now. I should start booking appointments so that I can see everyone, hehe. It will be good to spend time with my mother and sister and nieces and nephews and friends and other family. I'm extra-excited that my mom is taking off two whole weeks to spend with me! I'm sure by the end of it though, I will be aching to be back with Gordon. I've lived without him for so long and now I can't bear to be apart from him. I guess I should look at his being away right now as an exercise in patience and fortitude for my upcoming trip. Although I have to be honest, I'll be enjoying myself a lot more in New Mexico compared to right now.

Well that seems to be about it. I know its a short blog for such a long absence away but hopefully I'll have lots of things to talk about later. Maybe it won't be so difficult to be away from Gordon, yeah right. Maybe I'll go on an adventure to Wellington, if the weather clears up a little bit more during the week. When Gordon is away, I have to find some kind of adventure to take and expose myself to something new. I may take the cable car in Wellington to the gardens and look at all the beautiful spring flowers. The trees are blooming here so Spring is on its way which means that I have to get out to my potted plants and work on weeding and pruning. I have to find a way to get rid of moss, I think some mulch may take care of that. Maybe I'll go to the beach for a day of relaxation, reading and waves, no swimming, its too cold! I hope everyone has a great week!

It all started with a postcard

The biggest news this week happens at the end of it. My first anniversary, the first of many to come, is on Sunday. It reminds me of something that Gordon's Dad told him about marriage before we got married. "The first 6 months of marriage you exist on pure love," or something along those lines. It's been a year and marriage is still a breeze when it comes to loving and living with each other. I guess that just means that Gordon and I were supposed to be together all along. We've had our own worries that dealt with bills and money but after a year we are starting to save, trying for a family and looking for a place to call our own. The only debt we have is due to my airplane ticket to Albuquerque which will be paid off in 3 months and we are still saving in the meantime. We've decided to wait until the end of the year to look at our financial situation and then re-examine our housing. We may just switch to a different Air Force house for more space and keep saving.

The fact of the matter of is that I would have to really and truly be in love with Gordon to transfer myself from New Mexico to New Zealand, away from family and friends that I've grown up with all my life. Trying to strike out and make a new life and new friends is not easy when you don't have the means to go out and socialize, when you have to watch your finances. Not having or getting a job has taken a toll on my psyche but Gordon has been supportive and compassionate when I feel blue about it. He supports me in all my endeavors and tries to make my dreams come true. My best friend has become my husband, Patty you're still my bestest friend too! I've done without Starbucks and eating out as much as I used to. In fact, I don't even have a cell phone and I used to use it all the time in NM. There have been lots of changes on my end but Gordon has had to make sacrifices as well, no impulse buying! Marriage has made me a better person, a more responsible person than I used to be.

It will be interesting to look back after ten years and see where we started off and how we changed. I can only hope that we don't change for the worse but for the better. We don't have big plans for the day of our anniversary because we have to go to church. We will be celebrating on Saturday, the 1st, though. We plan to go to Burger Fuel and then to a movie, a real American date night! I don't know if we'll see "Harry Potter", "Transformers", or "The Hangover" those are the movies that look of interest to me that are at the Palmy cinema. Gordon may get me some flowers and I already have his present. I'm just putting the finishing touches on it. We'll probably watch our wedding ceremony on the DVD we have as well.

Kylie and Glen have recently been sick with a bout of...swine flu! Now I know someone who has had it. Gordon and I have been lucky enough not to contract it. They seem to be doing a lot better but for awhile there Glen was pretty sick. I also met up with my mother-in-law to chat with her since she was coming through Palmerston North on her way back from a conference. She seems to really enjoy her trips when she only has to worry about going somewhere and not having to cook dinner or anything.

I've started going to a weekly bible study class on Thursday nights. Gordon gets to watch all the sports he wants while I'm gone studying the Word. It has been very insightful. For the moment, we're focusing on praise by looking at passages throughout the Bible on how praise is used and phrased, etc. Book club is also going along as well. We've had a couple of hiccups in getting meeting dates and times down but I think we've settled on something. It was just me and Lindsay this time because Morgan was helping a neighbor, Jo had to stay home because her husband was working and Emma is in England. The book that we read was "A Thousand Splendid Suns", a very sad but beautiful in its own way book. There seemed to be a theme of oppression throughout the book. Lindsay and I had a good talk about it. I also found out that she's becoming an avid fan of "The West Wing". I guess she watches episodes on the net. We also talked about Mexican food in America and how I was going home in October.

It seems the time has come. The dreaded immigration paperwork has crept up on me. I've started my immigration medical, which ended-up costing me 391 dollars! At least its done and taken care of. We are having our pastor write a letter of reference for our relationship. I'm also gathering all the documentation that shows Gordon and I have been together for a whole year. I may use blog entries to show that I talk about him constantly, maybe not. I just have to print out the photos because I have our papers for the car and credit cards that show we have things in both our names. Gordon went and got his sponsorship papers notarized by the Bulls constable so everything should be squared away for that. It just feels like a pain sometimes to be jumping through all these hoops but what can I say, I love my husband and want to be with him.

Ending on a light note, just like how "light" this blog is. I've been making great progress on my cookbook of New Merican for Christmas presents. I only have to get about 10-20 more recipes down and the thing will be ready to be edited. I've just been writing it in sections. There's the Kraft and Campbells section as well as my miscellaneous recipes. I wanted to put cute little pictures on the sides but we'll see when we have a more finished product. I have to go off and make some banana cupcakes now for our anniversary. I'm getting more motivated by the day so I'll keep up the blog and try to get it updated every two weeks or so. Everyone have a good week, I know that I'm going to have a great weekend!

Some days my hands can barely function

Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold! Its always flashing in my mind because that's how I feel 90% of the time. Our gas bill was 100 dollars extra so I've reverted back to the old days of just getting by with a blanket wrapped around me. I've also lowered the heat pump temperature to make it work less and save us money. The cold is a factor towards this late blog entry and due to the fact that I'm just plain lazy right now. I really have to be motivated to do a blog entry because I don't want to blab on about mundane things. I did start yesterday trying to update my blog but my fingers weren't cooperating because they were too cold. It was like working outside on a freezing day and not having any gloves to protect you, that's how my fingers felt sore and stiff. I've never been a sissy about the cold until this winter in New Zealand. Its a damp cold, water seems to seep into the walls and makes the whole place cold. I wake up to condensation on the windows every morning. The answer is quite simple, there is no insulation in Air Force housing and, according to locals, this is one of the coldest winters that the Marton area has ever had. Lucky me. Even Mojo is cold, he stays curled into a perpetual ball all day trying to sleep the cold away. He likes to sleep on our bed now, thanks to the electric blanket, he won't move until all the heat has dissapated from that bed. I guess the next thing I need to invest in is a low-energy cost heater for the living room to save us some money.

Besides the frigid weather, life has been normal. Gordon and I are seriously talking about houses now. It wouldn't be bad for us because the chances of him moving somewhere else is extremely unlikely. The only move he'll be looking at is maybe going to the accessory bays one of these days. We've decided to look at Marton because that is where we have started to go to church and there are Air Force people in the area. The New Zealand Air Force is nothing like the US Air Force, a lot of Air Force families have homes in the towns around base. The houses are reasonably priced and we're looking for a home that we can live in until the kids are out of the house.

We did find a great house that was owned by a fellow parishioner at our church. We were very interested in buying it but we did the math and we wouldn't be able to start the process until November. As luck would have it, the house was sold this week. Gordon loved the house and he could really see us having a family there and everything. I felt bad for him so I've arranged to go look at some other houses for sale in the area. I don't want to get my hopes up because I don't know how long these houses will be on the market either. The real estate game can be quite tricky but predictions are that things are going to get worse before they get better so we may be in for a good surprise.

Since the baby aspect of our family hasn't happened yet, I've decided to focus on getting a house to make into a home. I don't know what the plan is for me but I feel like looking into a home is a step in the right direction for now. Plus, lets face it, it will look good on my residency and work applications if we listed that we met with a mortgage broker and were looking into houses. It will be months until we are able to purchase anything. I'm still thinking with a level head though, not being my usual self. I've had fun thinking of ways to make my house into a home. Such as painting, easy kitchen fixes and, the most important, storage! We are going to be staying at Ohakea for awhile so it seems like the right move. Gordon found out that he was on the wrong level for payment with the Air Force so we get an extra 48 dollars a fortnight and he is owed back pay as well! It seems like things are falling into place. They could be falling into place for a baby but I don't know. We also found out that, due to the recession, there will be no unnecessary promotions for the next year so Gordon will be a Corporal for awhile still. I think he likes it though because being a Sergeant means more paperwork and less time with the helicopters.

When Gordon came back from his exercise in Dip Flat he got a couple of afternoons off so we got to spend a little bit more time together than usual. It was due to the Air Force budget for the month of June. It was totally blown and there were to be no unscheduled flights so Gordon and the rest of the 3 squadron didn't have much to do. They encouraged people to take some time off using toil hours, aka overtime hours, so Gordon decided to spend some afternoons with me. We went for a date at The Grapevine cafe since we saw that it was finally open when we were hungry! I had corn fritters and Gordon had a bowl of wedges, chunky potato wedges.

The biggest thing that happened over the weekend was the St. Andrews Mid-Winter, Christmas dinner. Since the camp was canceled it was decided to have a mid-Winter dinner in place of it. I signed up to bring two cheesecakes. I was so nervous about whether they would like my cheesecakes or not because I was using some of my canned pumpkin to make pumpkin cheesecake. What's a dinner of thanks and celebration without some pumpkin put into the mix? It turns out that my cheesecakes were a favorite of the dessert table! It made me feel really good to know that I had made something delicious for everyone to enjoy. Most of the time when I take baking goods to functions, no one seems to eat it and I have a tons of leftovers. It plays tricks on my mind when that happens. Gordon says my cooking is great but he is my husband and human garbage disposal. Still, if Gordon won't eat it then no one will.

The past couple of weeks have been very mundane so I'm thinking of researching into areas around the Zealand to talk about. What's a New Zealand/American blog without talking about the places I've been? I know that I've been to a good chunk of the North Island so I guess that I'll start there this week in my next blog entry. If there is anything interesting happening in our lives then I will let you know as well. Have a good week and I'm trying my best to update weekly but it looks like I'm slowing down to one entry every two weeks. Have a great week you people in the Northern Hemisphere. Enjoy the sun because I wish we had some more of it right now over here!

Cooking in the kitchen

Well it looks like I am now infection free! After another round of antibiotics given to me by the doctor I'm feeling much better. So it looks like I'm back on track to trying to conceive. There are still some worries on my part but I'm going to try and take it all in stride. My mantra is "Everything's going to be okay."

The name of the game for the past couple of days has been baking though. I've been busy trying to use up my pumpkin that I had lying around here. I used most of it to make soup but used the rest to make some yummy pumpkin bread. I also created an apple crisp and used the leftover apples in my bread and some zucchini-cranberry muffins. I've been a baking fiend and its not over yet because I'm going to make some cookies for book club this week. It has been fun to add my own modifications and I love using applesauce instead of butter. I sometimes think that the butter may be better because my oatmeal cookies came out more cake-like than cookie like. At least they are nice and soft! I'll have to make a banana cake at the end of July for our anniversary. I may just reduce the recipe because that would be a lot of cake for the both us to eat and I'm trying to lose more weight. I guess I've substituted baking for eating when I'm stressed. The only bad thing is that Gordon is the only one around who eats my baked goods. Nobody ever seems to want to eat my bread or scones when I bring them to women's fellowship. If my family was here, they would eat it.

I've gotten two sections done on my New Merican cookbook for Christmas. I was looking at Lulu.com to see if it would be good to publish so that it looked like a real book. I may just go with the tried and true method of somewhere like Kinkos just binding it for me to keep down the cost. I still have yet to tackle the baking portion of the book due to the high altitude adjustments that need to be made. I guess there's nothing for it but to try and hope that it comes out all right. I have my high altitude conversion chart so I'll be able to work around that. Most of my recipes come from Kraft.com and Campbells but there are some that I have made from scratch thanks to the Edmonds and Cook Book II cookbooks. I'm not looking to publish it anyways so there won't be any harm as long as I have a disclaimer in the book.

My big announcement from last week was that I was going to come home in October. It looks like that may not be possible now. When I checked the ticket prices they were about $1600 for October and $2200 for December. Gordon and I talked about possibly purchasing the ticket with the credit card and then having time to pay it off and save up for my sister's family trip to come see us in March. I was really excited and told my family over the phone this week. I knew that I shouldn't have done that because I decided to recheck. The prices had gone up all across the board! Now it would cost as much to go out in October as it would if I went in December! What's a girl to do with such a limited budget? It would take us about 5 1/2 months to pay off the credit card again compared to the 4 months with the reduced price. Gordon is away on exercise so we haven't been able to talk about the possibilities. In the back of my mind, I know that these are tests to try my patience and what not but at times I really wish that they would stop testing me and let me be able to go home! The fact is that we do need to save for Ali's trip out here to pay for groceries and the rental of the welfare house and trips to places, gas is expensive! We'll figure something out but for now it looks like I can't go home when I planned. Let's just hope that Air New Zealand does some deal that I can take advantage of and go home this year. Okay, I just checked the Air New Zealand website again and it looks like they reduced the prices. I guess I just have to keep an eye on the website and strike when the iron is hot.

I'm still embroidering some cards and I just received the check for my last batch of cards. Etsy is taking longer to set-up than I hoped for. Windows vista is not my friend when I try to set-up a logo it won't let me put my picture where I want it to go and it won't align with my font that I chose. I long for the Windows XP days when I could set-up and not have to look around for something on the weird drop bars that they have now. Its even hard to find the help function at times. It will get there though and Gordon has offered to help me with making cards so I should start cranking them out so we can have a little cushion for savings and extra expenses.

An opportunity has come along but I'm not sure if I want to take it. I've been wondering about becoming a consultant for either Creative Memories or Mary Kay. I haven't been pushed to do it but I have been thinking about it. I'm not terribly sure about Mary Kay due to their prices. I just ordered a Microdermabrasion set and that's going to set me back for a bit but I need it to clear my face up. Both consultants asked me about it. I think that I would be more inclined to do the Creative Memories workshops and consulting even if it just brought in a couple of dollars a month, it would still be something wouldn't it? The thing is trying to find a space in order to do the workshops and getting customers. There are plenty of elderly ladies around Marton that I think would enjoy putting the pictures into something permanent if they had resources to as well as women my age. Its just something that I've really been thinking about lately.

I'm also looking into volunteer opportunities. I was contacted by the Palmerston North Environmental Community Trust recently. I was reading short bios on the Trustees and they seem extraordinary. I don't know if I could be at their calibre because they all have jobs at universities and such. I guess that I could offer a unique perspective though as well being a recent graduate from uni and trying to put their practices in the home. There are also opportunities to be a volunteer budgeter in Marton and giving my time at an elderly home there as well. Its just picking up the phone that I'm having a hard time with and contacting them. I'm still not very sure about the Environmental Community Trust though. I would like the budgeting and elderly home thing though because they are located close to Bulls.

Gordon and I have started looking into the house market as well. Our limit is $200,000 due to us probably going the "Welcome Home" loan route. I found some things out about the loan that I didn't know before when I was talking to a property broker at an open house. We have to pay for an evaluation of the house for the Welcome Home people to approve our loan and we can only get a loan for the house, nothing extra for renovations or anything. So Gordon and I are working on building a deposit for our loan, even though with the loan there is no need for a deposit. We could also save that money for any extra renovations that we would want to do. More than likely, we would have to look for a house that is in good condition and in our price range. I saw some houses that were extra but apparently we may be able to bring the price down to $200K. They were really nice and I fell in love with them.

I can't get carried away though, this is one time that I have to have a level-head. Gordon wants to wait for a couple of years before we even start the home-buying process, gives us time to save up money and pay off my airline tickets. I almost wonder if we shouldn't devote all the money we were putting into the credit card towards our house loan, at least something like every other month or so. We will need a little extra for Christmas time and groceries. It is good to wait because knowing our luck once we bought a house Gordon would get promoted and then sent to Woodbourne or Whenuapi. I wonder if we just shouldn't wait until Gordon wants to go to Woodbourne because he probably will stay in the Air Force for his career. Its all a bit scary and daunting but we'll see what happens. Gordon should tell me not to look at houses anymore, actually I should keep telling myself that.

The battery on Gordon's computer has totally burned out or something. It won't charge anymore so we may have to look at buying a new battery or something. I'm not sure how good Compaq computers are. I usually stick with Toshiba because they are very good computers and I've never had problems with them. I only had to replace the last one because the screen crystals were broken somehow while the computer was in my backpack. Gordon is going to need his computer when he goes on his Sergeants training course so we are working on getting my Gateway up and running. We haven't plugged it in yet because I'm so terrified have having the circuit short-out again. I have backed-up Gordon's computer onto my external hard drive so we have all the wedding pictures and documents and budget on there so that's good in case anything happens.

The women's fellowship was last week. It didn't interest me very much because it was a woman from a health care organization that specializes in medical alarms. I don't need one of those right now. I did try and pay attention though to listen to the stories about how the medical alarm has helped a lot of elderly people in getting the help they need when they fall or something else happens to them. As I was driving home I was wondering about women's fellowship. I see it as a great thing because it allows me to get out of the house and socialize with members of the congregation. Then I had an idea, well it was more of a brainstorm. Why wasn't there a women's fellowship in the evening for those working women and mothers? I've been thinking about it a lot and think that the church could use something like this to bring in new people. To offer a social aspect to congregation that may appeal to new people. Besides, the church is working on being more welcome to new comers and I think that this would be a way to get to know people in the congregation. I still have to talk to one of the church members about it but I'm working up the courage to. I think this is something that I'm really motivated to do and someone is pushing me to make this idea into reality.

Okay, well I think that about does it for this installment of my blog. Gordon doesn't get home until Friday which is why I actually had time to take care of this. I have been proud of myself though, I must be starting to feel comfortable in my home. I only check the locks and bedroom once at night before I go to bed. I even sleep with all the lights off. I practice deep breathing to calm myself and remind myself that majority of the noises that I hear are due to the fridge. I'm a constant work in progress and I'm still counting down the nights, only three more to go, until Gordon is back with me. Then we can snuggle and drift out to dreamland like we usually do. It can be hard to go to sleep without him now. I'm so used to having his arm under my neck that my pillow and back ache from not having him there for support. Its funny the things we get used to doing with our partners. Everyone have a good week and special good week to my nieces who are spending their birthdays in Disneyland! Aunt Nene loves you and hopes that you get to ride Space and Splash Mountain and the Toy Story Ride lots of times! I wish I was there with you!

A happy blog

Besides my little homesickness episode, it was a pretty good week. Gordon and I did some new things together and saw some new things together. We were able to have some curry and make the most of our time together. We had last Monday off due to the Queen's birthday weekend. We decided to go and take care of some things in town. I had been talking to my neighbor about our phones and she was telling me that her and her husband just use cell phones. I decided to go and see if that was a viable option for Gordon and me. The telecom store was packed and it turns out that I didn't get my questions answered until sometime later in the week. One of the sales reps were taking down our questions and giving us a number to hold onto when a tech rep was available. The wait already was 30-40 minutes and Gordon and I went to go look at some things around the mall. We got back and waited for another 20-30 minutes while being told that we were at the top of the list. Meanwhile, many other people were helped before us and we just decided to go and have some lunch because it was already 1:45! We went back another day and I was able to get my questions answered. Looks like a cell phone is not in my immediate future right now.

I also took some time to plot out my garden for next year. Gordon is going to finish the rest of the side garden but I have some other flowers that need some space so I need more beds. I decided that the best spot would be by our wind-blown tree. That way it looked like it actually belonged there. I was able to make three plots and put bamboo sticks around to mark them out. I'm really excited to try this out and there will be lots of room for my rose bush and alstromeria now. Since the cold snap, most of my flowers have stopped blooming so they are in hibernation mode for the time being. Gordon has been preparing the garden for winter. I convinced him to lay down a layer of newspaper and put grass clippings on top of that in order to help stop the weeds from popping up. His tomatoes plants are finished as well, we have to plant those quicker in the summer. I also know that we will cut back on our number of beans and rotate the planting of our veggies this year. The broccoli and cauliflower will definitely be at the end of summer this time as well as the squash I think.

Our money has been transferred to the account and we just payed off the credit card! Next payment, that dreaded GE bill, specifically the deferred payment from Harvey Norman because we are going to keep our contract with Big Save and have it paid off by next year so we aren't charged extra for paying it off early. I have just set Mojo up for his operation that takes away his "mojo" thanks to the deposit and our next paycheck. We are going to use some of the money to set-up a savings account and put in at least 100 each month to add to it. I'm increasing my food budget by $50 and setting aside $100 each month for date night, I doubt we would use a $100 each month for our dates though.

We got to see the newly refurbished Plaza in Palmerston North. It reminds me of a mall in America. Except the food here is way better with their curry, Chinese and Turkish selection. Gordon was able to get his beloved butter chicken and I had my usual chicken korma. I was almost tempted to ask for a Starbucks but thought better of it. I must resist the caffeine temptation. The parking structure was a bit of a hassle. I haven't noticed it until recently but it always seems there's a car that is constantly trolling for a space close to the entrance. Gordon and I sucked it up and just went to the next level where there were plenty of spaces. Besides, a little bit of walking never hurt me or him. I saw that they had designated spots up front for stroller parking, I've heard of mommy-to-be parking but not that. It was nice to be out and about though for a little while to take my mind off of things.

I've also been working on some card sets to post on Etsy to see if they sell or not. I just finished a group of wedding rings and some "21" cards for my mother-in-law too. Since I haven't been feeling well I've also been doing some more embroidery, that always makes me feel better. The work and sewing help wind me down and I'm proud of what I've created afterwards. I was thinking that it is always so hard to find good stickers to put in the middle of some of the embroidered cards. Then I had a flash of inspiration! Why not put my own pictures in the center or try to make the cards so that people could put a picture in the middle if they wanted to? I have some great shots of New Zealand that would look great in the middle of them. Also, people would be able to have something lasting for their precious photos. Its in the early stages but I'll let you know how I get on.

The most exciting thing that we did this week was go on a drive to the wind farm lookout. You can always see the turbines going on the mountains surrounding Palmerston North. Gordon decided to take me to see them, probably as a pick me up. It was a great sunny day for it. I had seen wind turbines before when driving to Stanford to pick Ali up from college or going to visit her when she had the twins. I've posted them on myspace and facebook so everyone can see them who are on those applications, there are some in this blog for blogger.com as well. It was very windy up there when we stopped at the lookout and they had a turbine right in the middle that people could take pictures of. I got some great perspective shots and some pretty good ones with the sun shining through the clouds. It was a bit cold up there but we survived. I think what I enjoyed most was the drive though. Feeling the sunshine in the car, driving through little towns that I had only seen in the Property press and never visited before. It was what I needed to remind me that my life was good. We also drove through the Manawatu gorge on the way back.

I also got some prospective dates for my sister coming out to New Zealand. They are going to come out in March and I'm making so many notes of places that they can go to. Ali gave me some places that she would like to visit so hopefully Kylie can get me some good deals on Waitomo. We are probably going to take them out for a day or so to Glenn's family farm and they'll get to see Napier too! I can't wait to see them again and I was able to talk to the girls about all the playgrounds I'm going to take them too, especially the park with the train! So, besides my meltdown at the end of the week the rest of the days have been pretty good. I'm feeling lots better and the antibiotics for my infection should help a lot. I'm still praying and hoping that I won't need a more aggressive treatment. I've been drinking my cranberry juice, taking panadol for the pain and drinking more water. Now that I know what is wrong with me, I can work on getting better. It helps that I have such a nice partner too!

Trails of homesickness

It has been one of those weeks where some little thing had the potential to put me into a bout of homesickness. It definitely succeeded for a couple of days there. I swear I was practically unresponsive one night and it really scared Gordon. I have to go back to the beginning though and that was all due to one little test, a pregnancy test.

I had been feeling nauseous, dizzy and tired a lot lately. Somewhere in my brain, I felt like I had finally done it, I had gotten pregnant. What else could explain those slight pains in my lower pelvic region, what else could explain my sudden weight gain? I decided to try my luck and take a test. Then I saw that ugly line, the negative instead of the positive sign I had been looking for. Of course I was a bit disappointed that I wasn't pregnant like I thought I was but something else upset me more. If I wasn't pregnant, then what the heck was wrong with me? Why was I feeling so terrible? That set me off into a wave of tears and a bout of self-pity that I would rather forget. Thoughts of failure started to plague my mind and that dreaded word, "infertile", started to flash in my head constantly. I shook it off though and I was fine for the rest of the day. I made some cards, did some knitting, tried to be as productive as I could be...then Gordon got home.

I felt like somehow I had let him down, that I was not good enough to be his wife. Something that started out so trivial spiraled into thoughts and feelings that I didn't want to have. My self-worth started to plummet and I didn't want to stop it. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I wanted to wallow in it and I didn't want to get out just yet. Gordon told me he was disappointed too but that we would keep trying and eventually we will have baby. He went to go take a shower and I went to go make some instant Kool-Aid. Kool-Aid reminded me of home and I wanted to feel just a little bit of home, of my mother, that's when I finally broke down. Gordon is a wonderful husband but sometimes a girl just wants her Mom to hug her, to tell her that everything is going to be fine and not to worry. Gordon could hear me crying all the way in the shower and was a bit worried so he came out and just held me while I told him that I wanted my mom, I needed her. It was a very trying Thursday for both of us. Gordon took a personal day on Friday to stay home with me, to make sure that I was going to be fine. I told him my fears that sprouted from that negative test. My fear that when people say I will make a great mom that it made me think that I wasn't going to have any children. My fear that he should have married someone other than me. My fear that everything I did I was always a failure at. I was also able to call my mom and talk to her to feel a bit better.

After having my good cry and my self-pity party, I decided that I really should try and get out of the house. Staying there was only going to make me more sad and I needed to be active. I asked Gordon to take me to Telecom so I could ask them some questions about our current service. It felt good to be out and about with Gordon and I was making a slow recovery to my normal self. I had a bit of an episode at Church but I made it through the service. I knew that I wasn't going to feel instantly better that it was going to take time to be Nedra again. The sunshine during the week really helped a lot and made me feel good when it shined in through the windows and the car.

I got a call from one of our church friends, Kay Brown, on Monday. She could tell that I wasn't my usual self as well. I ended-up going over to her house and talking to her for quite a bit. She said she understood how it could be upsetting to get a negative on the test. She also listed the things that showed I wasn't a failure like I thought I was. I had created a budget for Gordon and me to live on that we were sticking too, I had moved all the way out to New Zealand, I graduated from college, I had married a great man. Kay is a very good friend and she told me that I should face my fears rather than shy away from them. If I wasn't feeling well then I should go to the doctors and face my fear that something might be terribly wrong with me. My faith has helped me through this as well. With friends like Kay being put in my path, the support and love I receive from my husband and my mom. Praying nightly to receive guidance and grace. Its all helped me through these trying couple of days and my homesickness.

I went to the doctor yesterday and Gordon came with me to give me support. It turns out that I had a urinary tract infection. The doctor has given me some antibiotics to take for the next three days. I really hope that it does the trick and that the infection goes away. I was reading that if it is left untreated for too long that it can damage the kidneys. So, like I said, I hope that the antibiotics take care of it. If it has affected my kidneys then I may need stronger antibiotics to help them out and get them better. I don't know how long I've had this infection for, it may have just started last week or developed over the past month. I didn't have one of the telltale signs so I didn't know that I had it until I went to the doctor. It was a good thing that I decided to go to the doctors yesterday.

I'll write more about the rest of my week but I just wanted to explain to everyone why my post has been so delayed. Right now I'm a bit tired and just want to rest.

Date nights make marriage fun!

Mojo is settling into his kitty life very nicely. I'm a little concerned that he may have a flea or something in his coat but I think I have nothing to worry about so I've focused on him. He's had little black specks in his coat but that may be from playing in the dirt or something and he hasn't been itching constantly. The vet told me that due to the cold temperatures, fleas take a break during the winter but I'll probably have to look into flea control in the summer. We may just get some precautionary flea control though, just in case. Mojo is getting bigger and bigger and can stretch mostly across my belly. We have to get him his own kitty bed soon instead of my blanket that he lays on. Mojo has also decided to bring earthworms in to play with from time to time but he's really starting to settle down in the afternoons and evenings with long naps and rests. It's so funny to see him change and grow. He used to fit in the palms of my hands and now I have to hold him with both hands. Must be all the premium kitty chow and cheap soft food I give him.

The theme of these past two weeks for the church seemed to be marriage. There was a movie called "Fireproof" showing with Kirk Cameron, a couple doing a marriage seminar and this last weeks sermon was on Love and Marriage. Gordon and I decided to go see the movie on Tuesday and we had Doner Kebabs for dinner which was very delicious! The movie focused on a couple that had been married and were drifting apart. It got to the point that they decided they would get a divorce. The son's Dad asked the boy to do him a favor and take "The Love Dare" which is a book that you read each day for 40 days. The dares keep getting harder and harder and the wife thought the husband was trying to butter her up for the divorce. Eventually, the couple came back together and discovered their love again and were able to stay together. There is an actual book called "The Love Dare" and Gordon has talked about trying it out. I guess the point of watching the movie was that all marriages could use a little "Fireproofing" in order to withstand the hard times when the fires do come.

The sermon on Love and Marriage was really great too. I think it hit on a lot of positive points of marriage. Tom said something that seems so true, lots of couples happily live together for years without marriage and sometimes when they do get married they call it quits after so many months. He asked the question that if marriage is just a piece of paper saying your together then why does it have the power to affect us so drastically? I know that I have been affected by marriage in a great way. I have another person to share my life with and not be alone and I believe in the sanctity of marriage so maybe that's the power it has over me. Plus, Gordon helps me believe in my own self-worth, however hard it can be for me, and pushes me to better myself. I hope that I do the same things for him. Marriage has the ability to change us for the better, if we let it!

Gordon and I had a really good talk after the sermon on Sunday about love and marriage. There was a passage that he touched on briefly, in order to avoid people getting too upset, about women obeying their husbands and men honoring their wives. I can see how in today's world that can look like subjugation and it was used that way back in the day. When I look at it thought I see something else. If you look past the words of honor and obey, you can see a underlying theme which is respect. I respect my husbands opinion and I will listen to what he has to say, in turn, he honors me by listening to my viewpoint and treating me as an equal partner in our marriage. It may not sound like that to you but that's what I hear when I listen to that passage, mutual respect will lead to a happy marriage, as well as lots of love. People seem to focus mainly on the wives obeying part but I also look at how the man must honor the women by not cheating on her and treating her with respect. Okay, that's my insight for the day. Anyways, some people in the congregation don't like the passage or the subject matter for last Sunday but Gordon and I enjoyed it and we told Tom that he did a wonderful job with his sermon.

Gordon and I also went to women's lifestyle expo on Saturday. There seemed to be a lot of vitamin companies there as well as exercise places. We got a coupon for $2 off the admission and it looks like we only had to pay for one of us! I was mostly interested in the little craft stalls that they had and they also had a maternity center there too. I found the cutest little customized bags for the girls that I'm going to try and get for them for their birthday. I may have to wait though and try to send them a little something in the mean time. I also signed-up for information on an Environmental volunteer group to be able to do some good things for the Earth. I ran into someone from a career services agency that I talked to about me finding a job. She told me that I would have to get my degree looked at by NZQA (New Zealand Qualifications Authority) to be considered for any job in New Zealand. So, looks like we're going to have to save some money for that which is $450! It will be worth it if I want to keep applying for jobs after I get my work permit. I just get so frustrated sometimes with the way NZ can make it so hard for a girl like me to get a job. I think back to all of those jobs that I applied for and that they just passed me by because I didn't have my degree looked at by NZQA before. Oh well, what can you do besides right about it on your blog?

I was able to buckle down and get a group of cards cut and folded. I've also punched out most of the designs that I need for each set. Now I have to find some coordinating colors for each design that I have in mind. I've been really, really lazy but mostly tired because I've been reading a lot due to book club and some books I got from the library. I'm working on making my way through "Eclipse" but it may take me awhile. I've also been working on my knitting and finished my green baby blanket. Now I just have to finish my robin egg blue blanket. My next task is to do some little scarves for Operation Cover-Up. Its a great cause that gives blankets, mitts, hats and scarves to children in Romania, Moldova, and Ukraine that live in the orphanages or their families are really poor.

I almost forgot, Gordon and I finally had a date night! We decided to have it on Thursday because Gordon was on duty crew from Friday until the next Friday. It was a great night for pizza and a movie. We tried the Wholly Pizza place which was Wholly Bagels but they do pizza at night. We decided to have the New York size Garlic and Herb pizza with some pepperoni and we got a free soda and beer! Our movie was totally awesome too, "Star Trek"!!! It was so great to see the new Star Trek movie with Gordon and he really enjoyed it as well. It was nice to be on date night as well because it has been such a long time since we've been able to go on a date. Gordon and I are going to try and make it a monthly thing. In June we are looking at Mongolian BBQ or something. It is important to get out of the house once in awhile on a date, for me at least.

Gordon is back on night shift this week so we have a little of time together during the days. Gordon spent this morning watching the Champions League Final. On Wednesday, we went to the church luncheon. The elderly parishioners seemed to enjoy us "young people" being there. They had delicious mini-pancakes, called pikelets, with cream and jam that I enjoyed very much. The scones and pumpkin soup were delicious as well.

cafe. It was so yummy and I had a green apple and mango Book club was very fun as well. We decided to meet at another cafe and tried the new gelatogelato. So yummy in my tummy and I'll be back again! I also got some hot dark chocolate and it had one of those spoons that are straws as well! A great place and I wouldn't mind going there anytime at all. We met our newest member, Emma, who is from the UK and her partner is a Kiwi. She actually is contracted with the department of conservation! She is between contracts right now and she asked me what I do with my time since she recently has become a "lady of leisure" like me. I was thinking about sending an email out to them and seeing if they wanted to catch a movie or something. I found out that Jo is a scrapbooker and I told her about the workshops that I go to and emailed her the website where I sign-up for it. So hopefully, she'll be able to come to the next workshop. It looks like I'm starting to make friends!

I've also been thinking about making a garden area around that barren tree in the backyard. Mojo likes to climb it all the time. I was thinking of three little beds that I could put my flowers into. I have to plant my alstromerias and rose bush somewhere soon. I also have to get my cosmo planted along with the cuttings that Christine gave to me. Gordon will dig the earth up for me.

Looks like its almost dinner time for me. Sorry for the pause in updating but I always try to update at least every two weeks so I'm doing good so far! Enjoy those warm temperatures while Gordon and I have to snuggle to stay warm, hehe.

Eyeglasses=ouchie on the finances

You would think that I would enjoy night shift tremendously due to the fact that I get to spend all day with Gordon. This is not the case because my husband is constantly on the move trying to do something or fix something or playing "Civilization" on the computer. I think that the only reason I like night shift is because I get to watch "Gilmore Girls" instead of the news and I spend less on the grocery bill. Gordon has a hard time balancing Nedra time with house time but he's my Gordon and I wouldn't have him any other way.

I finally took the plunge and got new glasses last week because my tax refund came through. Luckily, the optometrist that I saw last year gave me a prescription that was good for two years. I do have to schedule another appointment though because it turns out that the contacts I wear are no longer available. The optometrist also said its good to get your eyes checked each year. I've started dreading even the eye doctor now because my prescription is so horrible and I think that its just going to get worse. I tell Gordon that I shouldn't have done all that late night reading. The good thing about these frames is that it comes with its own personal clip-on so I don't have to get sunglasses or anything. I still have my old pair of prescription sunglasses anyways. I really did try to look for the cheapest pair that looked good on me but even they were expensive. I had to end up paying about $550 dollars for my glasses. Gordon's lucky and gets his glasses for free while I don't have any coverage for my eyes. We probably should look into that since I'm going to be needing glasses in the future. It was a lot more than I was looking to spend; I was hoping to get away with $400 but no such luck. The glasses do look nice on me though and I think these ones won't be slipping down my nose all the time. Next up, contacts and dental cleanings! I don't want to go to the dentist but I should.

It was another quiet week for the Schofield house. Gordon worked on getting his stuff in the garage sorted out and I worked on punching patterns for some more embroidered cards. They really are coming along nicely. I have to put that aside for a week or so and start back on my cards again. I have some good designs in mind that I'm going to make sets out of.

Since I told my mom, I might as well tell everyone else that Gordon and I have decided to start working on an addition to our family. Its been nine months since we've gotten married and not all of us get pregnant on the first go round. I've read that it can take a couple up to four months to conceive a child naturally. I was a bit nervous about this because, let's face it, I'm a worrier. We're not going to put any pressures on ourselves though because just adding a whole degree of "needing" to have a baby would make me worry that I'm not pregnant with each month that passes by. So, we are going to let nature take its course and hopefully we won't have to wait a year to conceive a little Schofield baby. I know that I've been talking about our lack of finances and how much it stresses me that we aren't out of debt yet but I'll talk about that later in the blog.

Gordon got to try out his roasting skills on Saturday. He invited John and Erana over for roast venison. So Saturday was spent cleaning the place up a bit so it looked presentable and Gordon doing some cooking. The venison really shrank when it was roasted but it was good. We also had roasted potatoes and pumpkin. Gordon and I got into a little argument about eating it all the time. I like to have variety and beef and chicken do that for me and the occasional wild game is nice but not all the time for this girl. Gordon has no preference so he doesn't understand why I have preferences. I'm just a picky girl, my family can vouch for me. I also made a fantastic banana cake, from scratch, and made a simple chocolate, whipped cream icing for it. It really tasted yummy and they joked about getting the info for the bakery I got the cake from. It was really nice to spend some time with Gordon's friends. I'm slowly making acquaintances but it will take a while before I get some good friends. Gordon was extra happy because John brought a 18-pack of beer for them to share.

Gordon was talking to them about his housing seminar he went to and all the info he learned. John told us that he took money out of his superannuation, a RNZAF retirement fund, to pay a deposit on his house. Gordon and I said that it would be awhile until all of our debt was cleared and we could work on a deposit for a house. When we heard about the superannuation withdrawal it really made the wheels in my head start spinning. Gordon and I said that we might do the same thing and withdraw a little to add to our deposit for a house down the road. When we were getting ready for bed it hit me that if we were going to take money out down the road for a house why not do it right now and start saving for a house? Either way we would be withdrawing money from the retirement fund to help pay for something. Why not get the debt out of the way so we can start saving now.

We talked it over and decided that taking money out was going to be a one time thing and we are definitely going to monitor our expenses and not live frivolously. Gordon and I talked it over and agreed an amount that would be fine to take out of the retirement fund so that we could pay off the bills. Don't worry, Gordon and I are only taking out enough to cover the debt and my permits which is not a huge chunk of his retirement at all. So hopefully by next month the only payment we will have to make each month is for Big Save furniture. It really makes me happy to think that GE won't get the chance to charge us 25% interest on Gordon's purchases from Harvey Norman. I'm throwing that card away as soon as I'm able! It just makes me happy period to be able to get this debt out of the way.

Gordon makes me very happy and I love being with him. Our money problems though were a huge setback to me feeling content though. It feels like my prayer over our financial situation has been answered. Gordon says that he's learned his lesson from this and is never going to put us in this situation again. Its not all of his fault though, I should have asked him what our financial status was before I suggested we take a cruise for our honeymoon. We've both learned to be happy with what we have and I will never forget the lesson that I was taught. Be grateful for what you have because it can always get worse.

Hopefully, we can set up a small savings account that we can put money into and build up for the children, emergency expenses, and our future house. It makes me very happy to think that I may actually get to go home in the next two years! The airfares are really cheap due to the economy and I may get to come sometime next year with Gordon or sometime this year without Gordon. We won't buy the ticket unless we have the funds though so don't think I'm repeating history. I get to work on making Scrappy Apple a reality and not worry about where the money for my visas is coming from. I get to do little home projects throughout the year to make my house beautiful. I don't have to feel bad about going to Creative Memories workshops. I may get to bring a baby into this world and not worry if we can afford doctors visits or prenatals. Gordon will eventually be able to install a crowbar on our station wagon so we can take caravan trips. I won't have to worry about my sister visiting us and wondering how we'll be able to get by while they are here. Most of all, that sense of guilt that I can't find a job to help pay off this debt has gone away. That doesn't mean I won't try to find a job when I get my permanent work permit though.

Life truly is great and I hope that you all have time to smell the tulips and daffodils. Oh Grandma, I forgot to tell you. The chrysanthemums are blooming out here! I had passed by them before and I just thought they were really bushy daisies, hehe. The winter is coming on fast in New Zealand but I have Gordon to keep me warm. Along with my arsenal of long sleeve tees!